i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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