I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
