I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
