8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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