belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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