Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
