i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
