Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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