If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
