the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
