I hope mine doesn't look like that
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
