he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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