He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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