I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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