took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
