I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
