I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Who died my cat blue again?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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