she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
