im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
