DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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