Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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