Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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