Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
