Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
