I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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