i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
