Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize