White coat. Heels.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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