SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize