i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize