She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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