I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
