My first STD was from a foam party
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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