TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
