Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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