i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When are your genitals available?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
