I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
