Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
