think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
