Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
