it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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