man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize