You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
