So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
