dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
