when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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