Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
