You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize