Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
