Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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