she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
