as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
