He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You left your phone here
Wait...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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