Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
where am i from again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
