We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
