Buhtt sex?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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