I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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