Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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