well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
