will power is for people who don't want to get laid
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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