you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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