I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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