I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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