can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
