The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
