LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
COCAINE IS GR8
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