put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
