PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
