this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
