the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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