she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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