i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Enjoy the penises
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
