I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
