she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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