im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
