I just pynch a tree in the face
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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