Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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