So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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