She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
