i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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