i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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