Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
