So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
