I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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