If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
