He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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