i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
