Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
