i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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